Best Valentine’s Day presents to get for a man

Hey there all you loved-up young dudes. It’s Valentine’s Day coming up and we’re all really excited, but there’s just one thing that’s stressing us out. Yep, you got it: PRESENTS! We know that women are easy to buy for: they like chocolates, flowers and fluffy animals. But where do you start with MEN? It’s so difficult to know what he wants. Grrr, men! But luckily for you ladies, I’m a man, so I can give you some tips. Here are six of the best...




1)Sexy underwear
Why is it only women who are given naughty panties on V Day? What about something saucy for the gentleman? Nice pants, a manly medallion, sexy socks. Whatever floats your boat and his. A man does his best work in the bedroom when he feels hunky and desirable, so you’ll reap the benefits. Bosh!

2)Food
Is there ever a better present than food? All men like to eat, it’s right up there with the best things to do. It doesn’t matter if you can’t cook, or you have no money, we will take any food you offer us and enjoy it. Heat us up a samosa, buy us a can of lemonade, make us toast. We will be grateful and it will make us feel very romantic towards you on Valentine’s Day.

3)Dog
Amazing: man’s best friend! It says so on the bloody tin, if dogs came in tins. Hey – maybe could you get us a dog in a tin?? That would be even cooler, because we’d think we were getting baked beans or something and then it would be a dog! It doesn’t have to be a cute little pedigree puppy, just any old dog. You don’t even have to buy it, pick an old one up off the street. A man loves a dog.

4)Clothes
Does this seem like a risky one? Well it’s not. We are desperate for women to buy us clothes. We choose clothes solely on the basis that women will think we look nice in them. But when we look at clothes in the mirror in the shop, we have no clue whether women will like them because we are not a woman. But you are a woman! So you will know. So please buy us clothes that you like. Thank you.

5)Stuffed animal, such as tiger
Whoa, we’re going to have some fun with this. A big fluffy bouncy animal – the biggest you can find. Bigger than human size, if possible. A bouncy tiger or lion or bear that can stand on its hind legs and is taller than us, and also fat. Give us this lion, and we will punch it. And kick it and punch it some more as hard as we can, and wrestle with it and rip its head off and its legs. It will feel amazing! Pure destruction of this thing with its stupid fake face. We will ruin it until it is nothing, just a mess - its stuffy innards everywhere. It will be so fun. Then you can clear it up for us and thrown it in the bin.

6)Gun
OMG, you haven’t. You are just the best girlfriend ever! All men love guns. Most of us have never shot one but we want to - so much! There is no cooler accessory, and we will be able to completely protect you from all baddies. If a nasty man looks at your bottom, we will tell him we have a gun and he will stop looking