Best Valentine’s Day presents to get for a man

Hey there all you loved-up young dudes. It’s Valentine’s Day coming up and we’re all really excited, but there’s just one thing that’s stressing us out. Yep, you got it: PRESENTS! We know that women are easy to buy for: they like chocolates, flowers and fluffy animals. But where do you start with MEN? It’s so difficult to know what he wants. Grrr, men! But luckily for you ladies, I’m a man, so I can give you some tips. Here are six of the best...




1)Sexy underwear
Why is it only women who are given naughty panties on V Day? What about something saucy for the gentleman? Nice pants, a manly medallion, sexy socks. Whatever floats your boat and his. A man does his best work in the bedroom when he feels hunky and desirable, so you’ll reap the benefits. Bosh!

2)Food
Is there ever a better present than food? All men like to eat, it’s right up there with the best things to do. It doesn’t matter if you can’t cook, or you have no money, we will take any food you offer us and enjoy it. Heat us up a samosa, buy us a can of lemonade, make us toast. We will be grateful and it will make us feel very romantic towards you on Valentine’s Day.

3)Dog
Amazing: man’s best friend! It says so on the bloody tin, if dogs came in tins. Hey – maybe could you get us a dog in a tin?? That would be even cooler, because we’d think we were getting baked beans or something and then it would be a dog! It doesn’t have to be a cute little pedigree puppy, just any old dog. You don’t even have to buy it, pick an old one up off the street. A man loves a dog.

4)Clothes
Does this seem like a risky one? Well it’s not. We are desperate for women to buy us clothes. We choose clothes solely on the basis that women will think we look nice in them. But when we look at clothes in the mirror in the shop, we have no clue whether women will like them because we are not a woman. But you are a woman! So you will know. So please buy us clothes that you like. Thank you.

5)Stuffed animal, such as tiger
Whoa, we’re going to have some fun with this. A big fluffy bouncy animal – the biggest you can find. Bigger than human size, if possible. A bouncy tiger or lion or bear that can stand on its hind legs and is taller than us, and also fat. Give us this lion, and we will punch it. And kick it and punch it some more as hard as we can, and wrestle with it and rip its head off and its legs. It will feel amazing! Pure destruction of this thing with its stupid fake face. We will ruin it until it is nothing, just a mess - its stuffy innards everywhere. It will be so fun. Then you can clear it up for us and thrown it in the bin.

6)Gun
OMG, you haven’t. You are just the best girlfriend ever! All men love guns. Most of us have never shot one but we want to - so much! There is no cooler accessory, and we will be able to completely protect you from all baddies. If a nasty man looks at your bottom, we will tell him we have a gun and he will stop looking

As Boko Haram hits Kaduna, soldiers blow up suicide bomber •Residents flee city

Wednesday February 08, 2012

Residents of Kaduna metropolis scampered for safety yesterday as bombs exploded at military formations and on a bridge. Boko Haram claimed responsibility, saying that Sokoto is the next target. A lone suicide bomber who forced his way into the 1 Mechanized headquarters of Nigerian Army, Kaduna, at 11.45 am was shot dead following which the explosives went off shattering windows and injuring soldiers on duty.

The other explosion outside an Air Force base at noon did not cause much damage but some people were injured when the bomb went off near the Kano overhead bridge at 12.15 pm, a few meters away from the Army barracks.
There was unconfirmed report that two people died in the attacks, which the residents had been preparing for since the Kano multiple blasts of January 20, this year.

Confirming the incident, the Assistant Director, Army Public Relations, 1 Division, Lt. Col. Abubakar Edun, said in a statement that a suicide bomb attempt was made on the headquarters complex of 1 Mechanized Division.
According to the statement titled, ‘Failed suicide attack on headquarters complex of 1 Division Nigerian Army’, he said, “at about 12.18pm on Tuesday, 7th February, 2012, a failed suicide bomb attempt was made on the headquarters complex of 1 Division Nigerian Army, Kawo, Kaduna.
“The two suicide bombers came in two vehicles, a Toyota Sienna Space bus and a Honda Accord. The drivers of the two vehicles overran the security post and the lawn leading to the headquarters complex. One of the vehicles (Sienna Space bus) exploded by the car park directly in front of the headquarters when a soldier opened fire on the car after the attacker refused to stop which made him to lose control of the vehicle. The second vehicle which did not explode (Honda Accord), was loaded with 10 numbers (units) of 20 litres of Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs).
“The suicide bomber in the Sienna Space bus died in the attempt, while there was no casualty on the part of our troops.”
The statement, however, did not mention any victim being taken to the hospital.

However, journalists were barred from the scenes of the blasts. They were chased away by stern-looking security operatives from the Army, Air Force, State Security Service (SSS) and the Police, who barricaded all the roads leading to the areas.
Soldiers seized the cameras of Africa Independent Television (AIT) and Kaduna State Television (Capital TV).
Meanwhile, residents, especially traders, began imposing curfew on themselves as they closed shops yesterday before 4 pm, in reaction to an alleged rumour of a curfew imposed on the city. Of course no restriction was imposed at Press time.
Explosions suspected to be bomb blast yesterday rocked Army and Air Force establishments in Kaduna, causing pandemonium all over the town. The bomb that exploded around the Air Force base gate left some people injured.
According to the Nigerian Air Force, Kaduna Training Command’s spokesman, Squadron Leader Kabir Ali, “the bomb exploded outside the premises of the Air Force Base and as such, the Air Force does not have an opinion on the explosion. Although the explosion was close to the NAF Base gate, it wasn’t within our premises.”

When asked whether Air force was investigating the incident, he said, “no, since it is not within our premises, investigation is left for the police to carry out, adding, “we wouldn’t know where they were carrying the bomb to before it exploded.”
But the residents said the blast near the bridge damaged four commercial buses and wounded the passengers. However, details of the explosion at the air force base were unclear.

Musa Ilallah, an official with the National Emergency Management Agency in Kaduna who confirmed the explosion near the bridge, said rescue workers had been deployed in the affected areas but were being refused access by soldiers.
“From all indications, they gate-crashed into the military barracks,” said Ilallah. One resident said he saw soldiers being taken out of the barracks with cuts thought to be from the shattered glasses.
“Virtually all the glasses had been shattered,” the resident said. “I saw soldiers with glass cuts on their bodies being taken out, but it’s difficult to say if there were any (more serious) casualties.”

Boko Haram has been blamed for scores of bomb attacks in northern Nigeria, including Kaduna.
It claimed responsibility for January 20 co-ordinated bombings and shootings in Kano that left at least 185 people dead. It was Boko Haram’s deadliest attack yet.
The August suicide bombing of United Nations (UN) headquarters in the capital Abuja which killed at least 25 people, was claimed by the group.
In December, a powerful explosion rocked Kaduna, killing at least eight
people, wounding many others and destroying a number of houses and shops, but
the cause has not been clarified.
Police initially said the December explosion appeared accidental, but
speculations over whether it was caused by a bomb intensified due to the blasts’ strength and rumours that the city may have been the target.

Pandemonium in Sokoto … As sheep gives birth to monster baby

Wednesday February 08, 2012

Residents of Sokoto metropolis are yet to come to terms with the unbelievable incident that occcurred in the city recently. That was when a sheep gave birth to a monstrous being at a government owned veterinary clinic in the Sokoto State capital.

The date was Monday, January 22, this year. The news suddenly came into town at about 5pm that a monster-like creature had been discovered in a sheep’s womb during an operation carried out by some veterinary surgeons in the state.

Daily Sun gathered that the inability of the sheep to deliver made it necessary for the surgeons to carry out the operation, after which the sheep was delivered of the monster baby that looked half-human.
The scene which took place at Fakon Idi Veterinary Clinic, drew thousands of onlookers that trooped out from different parts of the metropolis to catch a glance of the strange being.

It took the intervention of men of the Nigerian Security and Civil Defence Corps (NCDSC) in the state to disperse the huge crowd who were demanding that the owner of the animal should come out to explain what led to the mystery birth even as they insisted that the owner must be probed and possibly executed.
Some of the onlookers who spoke with Daily Sun queried the occurrence that led to the discovery of the monster-like lamb, with many arguing that a man might have copulated with the animal.

Garba Aminu, a commercial motorcycle rider, averred: “This is an abomination in our land. To see a sheep give birth to a half human being is a mystery and that shows how terrible some people are. It is unimaginable that some people will be having intercourse with animals.”
Another onlooker, who simply gave his name as Danladi, wondered how such a development could happen in a morally upright state like Sokoto where the Islamic faith is so deep.

When our correspondent sought official response to the mystery birth, the surgeons that carried-out the operation had a different view.
Deputy Zonal Director, Veterinary Clinic in the state Ministry of Forestry and Animal Health, Dr. Ismail Usman, debunked the rumours going about that the sheep was delivered of a human-like being.
“It was a surprise that people’s perspective could be so negative when it comes to scientific reasoning and thoughts. In fact, the meaning attached to the development on the pregnant sheep by the onlookers was embarrassing.” Dr. Usman stated.
He explained that the sheep was supposed to have been delivered two days earlier but could not, a situation that he described as unusual among animals, especially sheep.

His words: “When they brought the animal down to our office here, it was discovered that the sheep had some problems during its pregnancy. That was responsible for the abnormal growth and the shape of the inborn lamb.”
He advised all owners of livestock in the state to take the health of their animals very seriously, noting that there are enough veterinary personnel in the state to attend to their health cases.

“Bringing animals for antenatal exercise would be a great help in curtailing any abnormalities during pregnancies.”
Another expert, Dr. Dahiru Sani who was one of the surgeons that carried out the operation on the controversial sheep said infections such as German measles, excess drugs and radiation could cause such abnormalities in animal pregnancy.
According to him, “every layman would believe that such a picture is a human-like animal, but in science, it is just a condition that caused the incident.”

Two Blind Pilots

Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl ane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."